World Peace

A few years ago, I had an epiphany.  While walking between stages at Lollapalooza, I made what I think is a powerful observation.  But first, some background on Lollapalooza for those of you who have not experienced three days, eight stages, one hundred and seventy bands, fifty port-o-potties, soap for forty port-o-potties and ninety degree weather.  It is actually a pretty incredible experience.  At this music festival, I was able to see an hipster indie band, a classic punk band, an aspiring hip hop artist and a Brazilian electronica dj all in the same place.  What makes this experience even more amazing is at this festival there are fans for all of these various types of music.  The punk fans walking around with Dead Kennedy "Nazi Punks F#@k-off" t-shirts, shaved heads, scary tats.... and cargo shorts.  The hip hop playas sport white tank tops (Why are they called "wife beaters" - isn't there a less violent and unacceptable name for this garment?), basketball jerseys open, diamond stud earrings... and cargo shorts.  The vegan singer songwriter fans in their cliched tie-dyed t-shirts, birks, hats and necklaces made from hemp.... and cargo shorts.   That is when it hit me.  People of all ages, races, nationalities and seemingly conflicting musical tastes all wear cargo shorts.  Now I realize that guys have fewer options than women when it comes to shorts, and cargo shorts are extremely practical.  Comfortable with lots of pockets.  But still - this seems to be a common element that is shared across cultures.  Perhaps this is the key to bringing peace to the world.  If the Israelis and Palestinians both realized that they share a bond of similar shorts, would that get them to the bargaining table?  If the Pakistanis and Indians realized that not only they all put on their pants one-leg-at-a-time, but the legs all go through cargo shorts, would the tensions diminish?  A naive proposition?  Perhaps.  But hey - what we are doing now clearly isn't working, so why not.  I say use the Cargo Shorts Unification Strategy.  If this doesn't work, I do have a Plan B.  I think all warring parties should be forced to watch Daffy Duck and Marvin Martian in "Duck Dodgers in the 241/2 Century."  The plot is aimed at the futility of the cold war, but I think its message would still resonate among all.  "Where is the Ka-boom?  There was supposed to be an earth-shattering Ka-boom?"  Let's face it.  It all just ends in an earth shattering Ka-boom.  Seems pointless to me.  I say put on your cargo shorts and just dance.